Transparency Breeds Transformation

21 Jun

I wasn’t sure if I should write this. People would never know how much of an introvert I am, but I HATE talking on the phone, I usually only text and I stay at home most nights 6 days a week. I have a close nit group of friends that I’ve known most of my life. Needless to say, although I love blogging. I’m not one to truly express my feelings out loud. Why God called me to Evangelism I’m not quite sure. 

In 2009, I got laid off from my corporate job, If you haven’t ever read that blog, its one of the 1st ones on here and part of the reason I created this blog. After my lay off, I was unemployed for over a year, I created multiple businesses, found new hustles and made the best of life. In 2010 life started to get rough, my businesses were not as successful and it was overall a growing process. I stood up in church during the prayer for all unemployed people and later that day, got a phone call from a church member offering me a job.  Although I had worked in Social Services, this job was new for me. I would be a Job Developer for the agency. Basically using my contacts I had from advertising, I would “sell” our in-bank clients to those hiring in Atlanta, during that time period, I was promoted and asked to be the Job Trainer, to help develop the job training curriculum (how I got that promotion is a whole different story, but what God has for you, is for YOU) being that I am an introvert, I had to put together the curriculum and the plan to help my clients get employed in a weeks time, during that week and that month, I found MY CALLING.

My director kept saying “I think you missed your calling” when in actuality I had FOUND my calling. Working with those women every day fueled a deep passion and drive in me that I hadn’t ever experienced working my corporate job. I worked with a group of mothers and a few fathers who were applying for state benefits who were the most impoverished in Atlanta. Most of them didn’t have high school education, some could not read or write and a lot of them had no idea how to use a computer. Working with those women ultimately changed my life. I was able to experience what few people in life experience. By training them on things I was blessed and privileged to know about jobs and life I changed their lives. At the end of each week these women wrote me letters about how my knowledge helped them want to be a better woman, a better employee and an overall better person. 

 

Fast Forward 8 months. The job as a Trainer was available through a contract by the state of Georgia, during that time we got a new Governor and he overhauled all state assistance programs. Needless to say we lost that contract. Although, I had still had other “hustles” this was not only my income but the job I loved, that I was now loosing. And unlike my corporate job, I was on contract status so I did not receive unemployment. 

During the over 17 months I was employed there, I have assisted over 400 people with job placement. I had made more contacts with employers, so I NEVER envisioned how hard it would be for me to get a new job.

From October 2011 until June 2012 I had over 100 interviews and not 1 job offer.

I had grown weary, bills were behind, I faced eviction, I was growing into a state of depression as I wondered why God had put me in this situation and how I was going to get out of it. But the bible says in Isaiah 40:31 “Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.”

The strength that God gave me would wilter, when other people I knew and helped do their resumes, apply for jobs, got 2 and 3 job offers. I started to loose it when the company I had interviewed with 5 times, rejected me for the job I thought I would love.  When I grew really weary, I would call on the name of Jesus and sing like my grandmother had sang so many times “By and by Lord, when the morning comes……we will tell the story how we overcome, and we’ll understand it better by and by” 

Although this story is not a detailed exploit of my life for the past few years, it is an account of a believer. When I didn’t hear God, I kept praying. When I couldn’t pay that bill, I kept praying. When I was about to loose my mind, I kept praying. God has never failed me. 

It always amazes me that when we get to our lowest point, who reaches in to help us. I reached out to connections that I had for years, who I had personally gone out of my way for and received nothing. ONLY 4 people outside of my family reached in to help  me without even a Second glance of trying to judge me or ask anything.. I am so happy that God sent the O’s. CRS and CLB to pitch in with me when times were exceptionally hard.

But I say all of this to say, I’m not sure WHAT you are going through. I’m not sure if you feel you have lost it ALL, but God hears you. It may take you loosing it all to be EXACTLY where God wants you to be. When we lose the things of this earth, all we can do is Focus on God. Instead of worrying about what you DON’T have and the things you DO have. 

My prayer is that God equips you with everything you need and guides you to the right direction. When I was praying about jobs, I always prayed about purpose. I am a true testament that your purpose always makes the provisions for your life.

 Keep pushing, keep praising. Your praise will lead to your next breakthrough. 

 

 

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16 Mar

Such a Good Post!

She's Just Not That In To You

I could be totally and absolutely wrong about this assumption, but I think, and even more so, I hope (so I’m not alone in this) that we all have that person that we just can’t quit.

This came to mind for a couple of reasons, including, but not limited to: Rihanna’s video for We Found Love, stories from friends relationships and well…my life. So, it got me thinking, what the F is really good? I don’t mean like that one off time that you hooked up with your ex when you were drunk or just lonely. And I’m definitely not talking about a booty call that you always go back to. I’m talking about real and present emotions, feelings, actions and situations with the same person over and over and over and over again.

You’ve been in a relationship or not. You’ve been in love and lust. You’ve missed…

View original post 430 more words

Kids..

8 Mar

I remember when I was 12, I had this great vision of my life at 25. I would be married, with no kids, my own business of some sort and teaching little children. Boy was I wrong. At 25, I still didn’t want kids but teaching was no where in my realm. I was just laid off my corporate job, a significant other was no where in site and I lived at home with my mom and siblings. Not to great of a life at 25. But I had great girlfriends, great family and I loved my life. Not what I expected, but great non the less.

So as I get ready to enter my 30s my life is looming before me, for the first time ever, I have decided I wanted children, not just for my sake, but for the sake of whomever I may one day marry. Call that unselfish of me but hell that’s life and hell that’s me. I am selfless in most aspects. I would much rather give my husband a baby than it just be the two of us forever. and ever. 

 

I read the Baby Sitter’s Club books, I even watched “Don’t tell Mom the Baby Sitter’s Dead” but I never actually wanted a baby, or to be a baby sitter. I remember very vividly in the 11th grade how my Home Economics teacher gave us a baby to take home. I put that baby on the steps in the basement and closed the door. It cried all night till my sister went to take care of it. lol Needless to say I wasn’t trying to have a baby any time soon. I’m impatient, I have bad nerves and I don’t like to hear all the complaining kids do.

I remember the 1st time I baby sat my little cousins, they cried and wanted food.  Although I have always been the consummate “help”. I clean and cook for everyone around me but actually “caring” for a child has never been my thing. But the look in my baby cousin’s face when he said “Wexs” soothed my soul. I cooked him some chicken, let him watch cartoons, played a couple games and off to sleep he went. hmmm “this is easier than I thought” WRONG!

Before I had begun to lay my head down, this kids starts screaming at the top of his lungs. Little did I know, he hated the dark, was scared of the dark and I had scarred this kid of life

This

Was 

Hard

 

After that my baby sitting duties were few and far between. Not too many of my aunts and cousins have children, so I truly believe God was looking after me when he blessed me with no more kids in our family for me to baby sit.

 

So now as I near closer to 30, I am always around kids, my godkid, my friends kids, just kids everywhere. And I’m constantly reminded that kids make you less selfish, more secure, happier and overall a better person. 

 

So yes I think I want a kid

ONCE I’m married of course..

Spiritual Maturity

21 Feb

When we were younger, we were taught to say our prayers, thank God, Be kind to our parents, go to church and not to sin. But the older we get we have to realize that growing with God isn’t just about those things. The older we get the more we have to realize that God functions through our worship. How can God’s kingdom grow if we don’t share his good news.

I know. I know. I know. The whole thing about walking up to a stranger and talking to them about God seems strange. We run away from The Jehovah Witnesses when they come knocking on our doors. But I’m not necessarily talking about those who are strangers. I’m talking about those inside our own homes, the ones we text/call the most, the ones we share friendships with and yes our family members.

Spiritual Maturity is about going beyond just praying for our neighbors, it is when we HELP our neighbors, when we pray for specific things in the life of our family and friends. Spiritual maturity is about tithing and not worrying about it because all of it belongs to God anyway. Spiritual maturity is about moving on and understanding what God is trying to teach us at this time in our lives. Spiritual maturity is about obeying our Calling from God and doing whatever it takes to get there because our faith gives us  Spiritual Maturity is about no longer blaming others for your failures but trying to figure out what we need to do to get to the next step in our lives.

I’ve learned a lot in the past few years but I have such a long way to go. I have found my calling in evangelism but I am so unsure where God is trying to push me to go with it. I have embraced new relationships and closed others, I have learned to trust God when there is nothing left to do. But what I have learned most is to be specific. Specific in my prayers even when they go unanswered, specific in my desires and needs and specific in my plans. I’ve learned more scriptures by heart and their specific passages and I’ve learned that giving to others isn’t so bad, its what I’m called to do.

So today, while you are searching your heart for answers I urge you to be specific in your desires, don’t just pray for shelter and clothing and food. God’s always got your back for that, but pray for exactly what you want, exactly what it is going to take you to get there and what you need to change in order to progress. Don’t worry if the change doesn’t come immediately, just keep praying for your desires. If your desires are God’s desires they will come, if not God has something better in store. I’m learning that myself, but I’m yet holding on.

Love, Peace and Blessings..

Miss. Jenee,

An Ode to My Beau

15 Feb

The day I first laid eyes on him, I got immersed, in those big brown eyes and caramel skin. His smile was flawless and dimples, were so deep that I felt like my soul could get lost in them. In my dream he looked his eclectic style.  The energy from me to him radiated to a place that only God could have given us at that moment. His magnetic field was so strong,  it pushed us together in a way that only science could explain. His touch was so sweet, I felt like he had swept me off my feet. But what was this feeling, love, lust or just a longing to be touched. Was it a temporary feeling or was it all being rushed? Was I a flower being plucked or a volcano about to erupt?

 

“To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart”

Valentine’s Day.. .Every Day the 14th

14 Feb

I’ll never forget my first “Real” Valentine’s Day. I was 16 and my boyfriend was in college. Although he was in college, I don’t think it ever felt like I was dating someone in college because he was always around. But needless to say its the one that I REMEMBER the most.  Valentines Day was on a school night, so he called my mom and asked her could he take me out.  When he picked me up I had no idea where we were going but I was more than excited. He was in college but worked as a DJ, I didn’t have a job so I wasn’t sure how far his budget would go to surprise me. But he exceeded every expectation. When we pulled up at the Universoul Circus I almost cried. If you know me, you know I love the circus. As a child, my parents took us to Ringling Brothers EVERY year, my brother was actually born during the time of the circus and instead of us missing it, my grandparents took us to the Circus while my mom was in labor! But, when I got older and found out about the BLACK Circus, I was floored! There was a black circus? With all black people? No way?! lol I’m not sure how much he spent but im sure it was alot of a college student lol. It was amazing. Then when we left the circus, he pulled out a Helzberg Diamonds box and in it was a ring with my birthstone. Ok the waterworks began. Anybody that knows me knows I used to collect birthstone rings from childhood. All in all that probably has been the best Valentines Day. On the way home, we stopped at Wendy’s and ate dinner (I mean he was in college and I didn’t care if it was Wendy’s or McDonalds he made that day special) He brought me home and I was in the clouds for days. 

 

So often we forget that Valentine’s day is not just about the gifts but going above and beyond for the people you care about. I would have been satisfied with flowers and candy especially given his budget, but he KNEW me, he LISTENED to me and he LOVED me enough to surprise me. Often times we get so caught up in the things that we forget what matters most. 

 

My mother preached a sermon this week on Love and the most significant part of the sermon to me was about the marriage of slaves. The statistics in America show that more and more black mothers are having babies out of wedlock and that overall black love is fading away but I totally believe like my mother said, its time to take back black love!  The slaves were not allowed to marry because the slave masters did not believe in it especially because at any time a slave could be traded away from his wife and children. However, slaves would go to their church and get married. How is it that our forefathers fought for marriage but we are so against it? How is it that people say “She’s too young to get married” but say its ok for her to have a child? 

 

I may not be in love on this Valentine’s Day or have an extravagant evening plan but I know that the greatest thing is the world is Love, our world is better because we Love, the people in our families grow when we show them love. So my challenge to you today is to show Love, not the ordinary flowers and candy love, but show the people around them that you love them. Fight for real love. Fight  marriage and pray for marriage. It’s God’s desire for our lives.

 

 

Xoxo

 

Jenee 

Is The Church in the Wild or Are We all individual Churches in The Wild?

14 Sep

People that know me, Know that I am not a huge rap fan. I think the last rap CD I bought was TI’s “King”  Although, I love TIP, JEEZY and almost every Atlanta, artist only because I like the beat, not because I take the rap about drugs and women seriously. It’s all kid of repetitive and annoying to me and lacks so much substance.

But something (I call it the Holy Spirit) led me to listen to “Church in the Wild” by Kanye West and Jay-Z. I listened to the song 3 times, looked at the lyrics and lightbulbs started to go off.  Are all people  individual “churches” merely existing  and idolizing/worshipping our own “God’s” or is the church a part of the “wild” in the world. Has our life been literally made us animals living in this wild of life, without having any divine purpose. What are we allowing our offspring to believe in? Are we becoming a generation of wildly animals who are merely worshipping and idolizing ourselves, our music and even our churches?

I wonder, how we idolize so much but then wonder why in the world we gain the world but loose our soul? Then we wonder why we are out in the world killing each other? What do we even believe anymore?

Where is the soul of our future? What do we honestly believe in? Do we even care about our environment, our neighbors, our family? Or are we all just worshipping our shoes and clothes and cars?

Kanye said in the song “What’s a God to a non-believer” then he said “We formed a new religion. No sins as long as there’s permission”

We have created our own religions and justified our sins and our misdoings through our own beliefs and sometimes through the bible.

It also got me thinking about what John Lennon said a long time ago “Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn’t argue with that; I’m right and I will be proved right. We’re more popular than Jesus now; I don’t know which will go first – rock and roll or Christianity. I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It’s just that the translations have gone wrong”

What was John Lennon saying here? What is Kanye West and Jay-Z saying? Did they stop believing in organized religion and create their own, do they love God? Is Rock and Roll or Rap a God? I’m compelled to say yes, in  spite of my beliefs because we all justify our own personal theologies. What is God trying to tell us as “believers”?  Is Christianity Dying or are we as a generation of believers choosing to worship other Gods?

So who do we believe in? Who is our God?  When there is so much that we worship, how can we ask our “God” to save us? Just because someone chooses not to believe in your “God” does it make them “Godless” or “Satanic” ? How can we praise and worship so many things by removing “God from it”

I thought there was only one God? But do we all have our own God’s?

SOMETHING To think about..

Open your mind to the reality of the world we are living in. My beliefs are only as big as my church. My beliefs are only as strong as I make them. I believe in the trinity, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. But who am I to say that those who see God as Allah are not worthy of God’s love. That they don’t operate under the same Trinity that I do.

I believe we all have to chose who we will serve in our lives. Yes, I love things, yes I love to make money, yes I love music. But I serve God, I believe Jesus is the Messiah, Jesus saved me from eternal sins. He allows me to receive the blessings of this world. Not because I deserve them, not because I have to get them but because that is his pledge to me because I BELIEVE. Are you willing to give up what you love for who you love? Are we willing to give up our money and our time to make God happy? Or do we even care anymore about pleasing God? Yes we pray, yes we thank God for our blessings but do we give enough our time to edify his life?

Chose ye this day, whom will you serve!

Peace

Miss. Jenee

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